A Journey Into a Past Life
~
In Conclusion
I arrived at my friend's mother's home and we sat
and talked for a while so they could get a picture of
what was happening on a daily basis. Then we went
into the living room and they placed me at the point of
a triad. In other words, the two of them were sitting
about 4 or 5 feet apart from each other and I was
between them at about 7 or 8 feet away facing them.
They asked that I not close my eyes because in doing
so I would be on the same space or plateau as they
were and could interfere with the process.

I zoned out, but with my eyes opened and thought of
nothing just listening to what they were telling me.
They saw an army of men who had captured me.
They saw the men hang me from a tree, but that
wasn't all, they subsequently cut me into many
pieces, and scattered them, so that my people would
not be able to gather enough of me to give me a
proper burial. I was crying by then, so they thought
that we should stop and have another go at it later.
We had more tea and talked about how I was feeling
and then they explained that what they saw had
caused my hatred of the 'whie world' and that the
anger had come back with me this time and it was
around my ankle like a ball and chain that had
gradually wound itself around my ankle making it
shorter as years went by; the dragging of that ball of
hatred so close to my ankle making it difficult for me
to move around without hurting myslef.  Then they
asked if I was ready to meet my ancestors. I did not
know that they were going to do this! I was
petrified!!! I said I didn't think so, that I was fearful
of what they would say to me. I had no clue as to
what to expect. We talked some more and then they
asked me again. I said ~ "Oh, what the hell, I might
as well, since I've come this far. What could they do
to me now?"

A few months before, I had a "naming ceremony"
done by my Chief, honoring me with the rite of
passage into the Elders' Circle, just some months
prior. The name that I was given was to be used
exclusively and that I was never to acknowledge my
birth name and that from then  and forevermore, I
would be known as Xielolixii. At that time, I believed
that my ancestors would be happy about it and since
I had heard a voice telling me what I needed to do, so
I never worried much about it ~~ until now! I got
worried when I was asked to actually meet them in
the spirit world. I envisioned them to be pointing their
fingers at me, accusing me of not doing what I
should be doing, not doing enough, or of one thing or
another. But that was not the case.
Lisa and her mother, put me in the middle of the room
again, just as before, and then they told me to close
my eyes and tell them what I saw. I began to cry as I
saw many people, about 4 or 5 abreast, row after row
after row of them, hundreds, if not thousands, coming
into the room from my right dancing around me in a
circle, counter-clock wise, singing, and saying my
name in a chant. (I'm crying now as I write this
because of how this touched me so). I tried hard to
see their faces, to see if I could recognize anyone, but
they had their heads covered with what looked like
either elk or deer hide draped over their heads and
sides of their faces.  The first few rows of people had
horns coming out each side of the hides that draped
over their heads ~ not sure what that was about. I
could not see directly into their faces.  Their faces
were not visible. As the ancestors danced, I saw
myself in the center of the circle, getting smaller and
smaller....

Lisa and her mother compared what they saw which
was basically the same thing except they were seeing
the circle from the outside of it and saw different
colored ribbons being waved as they sang. At. that
time, they decided to bring me out of it. The healing
had begun. The ball of anger was still attached, but a
mile or so away.

I was told then that I needed to return for another
session of which I still havet o do. I look forward to
this next one, because since then I have learned to
meditate, forgive myself and others in my past and to
move on. To accept all experiences as lessons,
creating a better inner self, and not to blame any one
person for what they have done, but to accept it all,
since they were doing the job they came her to do,and
why they were put in my life to do it ~ to get me to
this point in my life.

This is how I see things now, and it is not to say that
all people willl see it that way. But that's o.k., too. I
just want everyone to know that everthing happens for
a reason and even thiough we don't understand why,
the answer will come when you can accept it and
understand it.

To my past and my future and everyone in it ~~

Love and Blessings
Xielolixii